deLemos.net

Contents

• 6 Keys to Happiness

  I have received many a pleading email from exhausted readers who simply cannot assimilate all the wisdom of the Cyberphilosopher in one sitting.  That of course, is to be expected.  The deep pools of knowledge which reside here cannot be swallowed in a single gulp.  They must be sample sparingly, consciously, with an open mind.  [...]

• All that You Desire

  Yes, it’s true.  You can have all your heart desires, and it’s so easy, it’s almost laughable.  I can understand, of course, if you’re a little skeptical.  I don’t blame you.  It seems to good to be true.  But you have to remember the source, here.   If anyone is capable of a breakthrough this enormous, [...]

• Beyond Einstein

  It seems to me that grey, gloomy, or rainy days get a bad rap. Much worse than they deserve. From what I can see (anecdotally), a far greater number of people prefer warm, sunny days with mild breezes and blues skies. Well, I’ve finally found a way to take advantage of the rainy day’s lack [...]

• Beyond Keynes

  Alright…I’ve been thinking about it. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I underestimated the brilliance of my first philosphical breakthrough, the Happy Fat Diet. If you don’t know what it is, or want a refresher, go back and read about it again. In brief, I was (and remain) convinced that [...]

• Bowels

  Keep Your Head cool, Your Feet Warm, and Your Bowels Free   These were my father’s words to me (among many others…he’s a rather talkative guy) when I was young. Quite frankly, I thought he was a little odd for saying it (as, no doubt, you do yourself right now). The scary thing is, it [...]

• Buy American – Patriotism or Favoritism?

  If you’ve had occasion to peruse some of my other thoughts, like The Happy Fat Diet or Sniff the Milk, you already know that my thought processes are not always in line with normal thought. I’ve been pondering the concept of “Buy American” lately, and what I’ve come up with continues that trend. On the [...]

• Coffee

  Coffee is its own food group, although the guys that make up the US RDA and all those food pyramids don’t seem to have caught on yet. But it is definitely its own food group, and deservedly so. It’s too good, too special, too vital in providing a source of nourishment so completely its own [...]

• Convenience Stores

  There’s generally something depressing about convenience stores. Maybe its the stale aroma of overheated coffee that seems to hang around them. Maybe it’s all the junk food. I don’t know. But by their very nature, they’re not the sort of places where people hang out, talk, get to know one another. They’re neither cozy nor [...]

• Drool Factories

  I don’t know where it comes from.  It makes no sense to me whatsoever.  Why is it that so many fawn so much over so useless a lump of flesh?  Newborns and infants?  I’ve seen them, I’ve held them, heck, I’ve even had a few of my own, and I can unequivocally say: Human beings [...]

• Guy Medicine

  I am a guy.  While there are some that would find that reason enough to shun me, there’s not much I can do about my gender…at least not much that I’m willing to do that doesn’t involve surgery.  I’m generally averse to the concept of surgery.  Which is kind of what this rant is all [...]

• Ketchup is Philosphically Unsound

  I hold a position that is fairly unpopular amongst my friends, but I stick by it all the same. There is no need for ketchup in our society. This isn’t to say that it doesn’t taste good, that it doesn’t look good, and that it doesn’t serve the all-important function of adding lubrication to food [...]

• Live??

  “Coming to you live from the state capital, I’m Joe Fubar.”  That’s what they told me last night as I was watching the eleven o’clock news.  Some poor schmuck was standing outside in freezing weather on the steps of the state capital to bring me a live report on something that had happened six hour [...]

• Love Explained

  I‘ve figured it out, which should come as no surprise to those of you who have already had the pleasure of being enlightened by my brilliant grasp of fat, its effect on the economy, and the failings of the medical system.  One of the greater mysteries of existence can be understood with a single concept, [...]

• Margarine is an Abomination

  OK, here I go again. Yes, I’ve already ranted about ketchup. Yes, I have gone into great detail explaining the virtues of fat, and how realizing those virtues can lead to a better economy. But I feel that this, too must be said. If ketchup is philosophically unsound, margarine is an abomination against humanity. At [...]

• Ode to Joy

  I saw another one of those things that annoy me today.  Yes, I know it’s quite clear by this point that lots of things annoy me.   I have a problem with margarine.  I’m not that crazy about convenience stores.  I sure as heck am not crazy about the nightly television news.   But you’re here, and [...]

• Remote Control

  It is a frequent topic of discussion. It has become one of life’s enduring questions.  It is so integral a part of our culture that it has come a clich�.  Men hog the remote.  Why?  Many theories have been put forth.  But only the Cyberphilosopher, one he who is capable of such depth of thought [...]

• Sniff the Milk

  I continue to be perturbed about life’s little weirdnesses. Certainly, my view on the world is a little bit off kilter, but I wonder if anyone else ever notices just how strange people can be sometimes. The more I consider, the more I see behaviors that I have taken for granted for years that make [...]

• Stupid Parents

  I have a very basic approach to parenting.  Unlike many of my other thoughts about life, it is neither deep nor compelling.  It doesn’t have the brilliant insight of the  Happy Fat Diet, nor the near-genius  application of those ideas in Happy Fat Economics.  It doesn’t have any of the profound re-examination of basic physics [...]

• That’s Not a Sport

  I made the mistake of tuning in the Olympics the other day.  After a few minutes of watching swimming, I checked the listings to see what else was scheduled to be shown.  There was gymnastics, and lots of it. More swimming.  Bicycling.  And some running events.  Aren’t there any sports in the Olympics?   This is [...]

• The Bank of Love

  OK, this one is for the men only…ladies please leave the page.  Thank you.  Guys, a word of quick advice.  By the time you’re in trouble, it’s TOO LATE to try and win her over.  The key to a happy relationship with a woman is to make the effort when you don’t need it, so [...]

• The Happy Fat Diet

   With health concerns so much in the public eye these days, I felt it was past time for me to share my amazing discovery with you: the Happy Fat Diet. Far too many Americans are concerned with controlling their weight, maintaining their figures, watching their fat and cholesterol intake, etc. I am here to tell [...]

• The Road of Life

  I like riding in cars.  There�s something decidedly exciting about setting off on a road trip, especially an unplanned one.  When there�s no real destination, there�s no real pressure to be anywhere, and so the trip itself becomes the focus.  All too often, it seems, getting there seems to take all the fun out of [...]

• The Time Machine

  I want to build a time machine. But not the usual kind. While I’m sure it would be fun to zip back and forth through the ages, I think that we’re all pretty familiar with the problems and paradoxes such time travel would create. Say, for example, you build a conventional time machine, and go [...]