Don't know what to do with that extra pound of butter in the fridge?  Try This!

OK, here I go again. Yes, I've already ranted about ketchup. Yes, I have gone into great detail explaining the virtues of fat, and how realizing those virtues can lead to a better economy. But I feel that this, too must be said. If ketchup is philosophically unsound, margarine is an abomination against humanity. At least ketchup tastes good (I just can't figure out what it tastes good ON). Margarine, on the other hand, tastes like exactly what it is, an unholy amalgam of water, oil, and chemicals.

Forget for the moment that eating margarine is a major breach of the Happy Fat Diet. At least try. My argument here isn't based on the obvious brilliance of that bit of writing, but rather on a much more basic, primal (but still rational) point. Taste it. Taste it, ignoring that this oleo/margarine/vegetable spread/ is laden with chemicals. Taste it, forgetting for the nonce that the primary ingredient for many of these products is water. Just taste it. Does it feel good in your mouth, or does it leave an oily residue? Does it have a 'rich,' appealing flavor, or does it remind you more of plastic? Mmmm..tasty?

Butter is a Noble Oil, part of the family of lubricants upon which all great cooking stands. It is of the same importance as olive oil and the great family of animal fats (bacon drippings, goose fat, and lard). It is the equal of the noble seasame oil, an integral part of many far eastern dishes. Imagine such things as fettucine alfredo, shrimp scampi, and butter cookies made with margarine (ack!). Try making the ultimate superfat pasta sauce without butter.  Try dipping your succulent lobster claw into clarified margarine (I tried melting margarine once for just that purpose, and ended up with an interesting 3-tier stack of water with oil floating on top, with a strange chemical spill, possibly the artificial coloring, sitting on top of it all). Sound appetizing? I didn't think so....

So why eat margarine at all? An insightful question, and one for which I cannot find an answer. If you have an answer, drop me a line.