Alright...I've been thinking about it. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I underestimated the brilliance of my first philosphical breakthrough, the Happy Fat Diet. If you don't know what it is, or want a refresher, go back and read about it again. In brief, I was (and remain) convinced that the best way to battle fat was to embrace it, enjoy it, revel in it...thus creating a happy atmosphere for it, and avoiding all the unpleasant side-effects of having it hang around. But I've come to realize, it's much bigger than that. It's a matter of national importance which I call HAPPY FAT ECONOMICS.

There has been a lot of talk about family values, and what that means to America. There has been a general bemoaning of the current economic state, what with jobs leaving the country and major corporations laying of workers on a regular basis. 'Downsizing', 'Rightsizing' and 'Re-engineering' are all supposed to make the corporation of today leaner, meaner, and more competitive. I say that that is wrong! We should be fattening up! Not on a corporate level, but on a corporeal level!

If Americans ate like they ought to, things would be substantially better. Think about it. Instead of eating on the run, fast food, microwaves and (gasp!) skipping meals altogether, the daily routine should leave room for real, seriously substantial meals. Do you think it's a coincidence that the peak of American prosperity (1950's) coincided with the ascendance of the Sunday pot roast and the 3-martini lunch? Think again. Seven days a week of big family dinners is a lot of work, and it requires a full-time commitment. You need a family member to stay home full time just to handle the intricacies of shopping, menu-planning and preparation (gender doesn't matter, as long as the cooking skills exist). Once that happens, the work force has been reduced by a prettty substantial amount. Result? Less unemployment. Now, if I were to spend all day working away to get dinner together, you can damn well be sure that everybody better be home in time to eat it, or there will be a major problem to be dealt with. Result? Quality time spent with the family. No more of these insane workaholics at the office until 10pm. It would be understood, even expected that workers would leave the office at a reasonable time to avoid getting a serious head wound for arriving late for dinner. Hmm...that might make employees more satisfied, because face it, anyone who spends 12 hours a day in a cubicle/office is bound to get disgruntled after a while.

OK, so we've improved family relations, reduced unemployment, and raised employee satisfaction, just by getting people to eat big dinners at home every night. But that's not the extent of the benefits. Remember the last really good, filling meal you had? Remember the pleasant drowsy feeling you got afterwards? That's right! After a substantial meal, most of the body's major functions shut down, in order to devote as much resource as possible to the digesting of food. Result? People get some sleep! And a well-rested employee is a more productive employee...and what better way to start the day after a good night's sleep than to eat a big breakfast? I'm talking the full deal here: eggs, toast (with butter, not that vegetable-oil margine stuff), some form of fried pork product, coffee, orange juice..a meal that prepares you to face the world with a smile. OK, so now we have an office full of smiling, well-rested employees...how could this possibly be bad for business? I'd argue that a well-rested mind makes better decisions and gets work done faster. I'd argue that employees in a good frame of mind are more likely to work together. What would that cause? Cooperation and good business decisions! A booming economy! And we haven't even had lunch yet!

While it's a thing of the past, the extended lunch break is also a key piece of the Happy Fat Economics plan. Have a long lunch with your co-workers. A good Happy Fat lunch, not a salad and a boiled breast of chicken with the fat and skin removed. Have a drink beforehand, savor a decent meal, and get to know each other. Since you've already had a good night's sleep and a good breakfast, you're in the right frame of mind to actually talk productively about work. Even more, you're in a position to get to know each other as people, and that is a key to working together as people. Office intrigue, territorialism, and plain-old mean-ness will be substantially reduced by simply lunching together.

Quite frankly, I don't see a flaw in this plan, which is probably why it will never be embraced as a key platform piece by any major political party. But if it were, we would see a new age of prosperity here in America. I've done what I can. I have conceived this plan, and made it available to my fellow Americans. The rest is up to you.

Write to the Cyberphilospher marc@delemos.net