I made the mistake of tuning in the Olympics the other day.  After a few minutes of watching swimming, I checked the listings to see what else was scheduled to be shown.  There was gymnastics, and lots of it. More swimming.  Bicycling.  And some running events.  Aren't there any sports in the Olympics?  

This is where those of you who are faithful readers get ready for the pitch.  The rest of you are probably scratching your heads and wondering what the heck I'm talking about.  Well, batten down the hatches, 'cause it's time for another broad pronouncement.  While not as earth-shattering as some of my other ideas regarding happiness, love, and the nature of fat, this understanding is no less true.  

It is not a sport unless someone is playing defense

A simple yet accurate statement.  While I do not for a minute mean to denegrate the skill, strength, and determination required to participate in many of these activities, I cannot for a moment consider that they are sports.  Those swimmers are impressive in the way that they move, but how far would they get if some linebacker-sized opponents were attempting to keep them from reaching the end of the pool?  I am impressed with the sheer artistry and strength required to do the exercises I've seen on the pommel horse.  But let's face it:  these guys have trouble staying on undisturbed.  How good would they look with someone trying to knock them off?   As for the footraces..couldn't they at least be allowed to bump each other off the track or something?  

Sport requires head to head competition, the drama of the struggle for superiority.  The success in one of reaching his goal must mean the failure of the other in doing the same.  Sport is primal, and the enjoyment of sport is visceral.  It deeply evokes a tribal 'us against them' emotion that conjures up images of some savage fight for survival.  These other activities are cerebral.  Their enjoyment is based in the beauty and artistry of the activity, in the marvel of what can be achieved by the human body.   Until you get to tackle the chick doing the floor exercises, it's not sport.  

Just in case we're not clear:

Sports	Not Sports
Basketball	Swimming
Soccer	Gymnastics
Boxing	Running
Badminton	Diving
Rugby	Figure Skating
Greco-Roman Wrestling	Weightlifting

If there is a referee, it is a sport.  If there is a judge, it is not.  If scoring is the result of your opponent failing to prevent your success, it's a sport.  If scoring is the result of someone with a scorecard, it is not a sport.  Boxing is on the borderline here, but since one can still win by knocking out one's opponent, it gets to stay in the sport category.